IF RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD WORK FOR YOU, YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS IN THE WRONG PLACES.
There are tons of articles and advice on the best texts to send him to make him fall madly in love with you, how many dates to go on before having sex or what to say to make him think you’re the one...
Sound familiar? Then KEEP READING.
Relationships are no joke. In fact, they are one of the biggest projects in our lives, alongside money and health (hopefully this one makes it on the list too).
If you run into the same issues with different men, it’s usually something much deeper than what meets the eye. Way deeper than what to text him or when to have sex for the first time.
You have to look into it and get to the bottom of it, which is not the easiest thing to do, but it’s simply necessary if you want to have a happy relationship and life.
It takes courage, being truly honest with yourself and taking responsibility for it. All of it regardless of who appears to be in the wrong.
If you are looking for a superficial solution, you will have superficial results and the issues will continue even though you may be convinced that you are working on it.
We attract people into our lives based on our energy and believe me they will match it.
So if you keep attracting men who don’t treat you right even though you tell them what you want and what you don’t want, ask yourself these questions:
1. WHAT IN ME (ABOUT ME) INVITED THIS MAN AND THESE ISSUES INTO MY LIFE?
Sooner or later you have to realise (and accept) that meeting a man doesn't just happen in the very moment you meet him. It starts way before that point, years before.
Everything negative that you've seen and heard about love, men and relationships growing up will influence who you attract in your adult life. All that information gets stored into your subconscious mind (regardless of it being true or false).
So if you've grown up being told things like "who do you think you are?" or being micro managed all the time, it's quite possible that your self-esteem has been affected without you even realise it.
At an energetic level you'll vibrate lower because "who do you think you are?" to vibrate at a high frequency (self love, peace, acceptance, courage, confidence). Because of this you will attract men who vibrate lower too.
Regardless of how well you express to them what you want in your relationship and how nice you treat them, you will attract men who will cause you hurt, shame, fear, guilt, etc.
2. WHAT BELIEFS DO I HAVE ABOUT LOVE, MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS THAT ALLOW THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOUR?
This question ties in really well with the previous one because now you get to explore the beliefs you developed following what you've experienced growing up.
Do you ever think that "all men are the same" or "all good men are taken"?
If yes, those thoughts are taken literally by your subconscious mind who then goes to work to bring you one of the same men or one of what's left after the good ones were taken.
It will take some time to identify all the negative beliefs and turn them into beliefs that are congruent with what you truly want, so please keep at it.
3. WHAT MUST I LEARN FROM THIS SITUATION?
Every single one of your relationships has happened for you to learn a lesson. When you're in the middle of the storm is hard to think of the lesson, but as time goes on (and you slowly heal), the best thing is to look for it.
The most common lessons that my clients shared with me were that they needed to set clear, healthy boundaries, start seeing their own value, end unhealthy relationships, realise that by their behaviour they enabled their partners to treat them unfairly (to put it nicely) or reduce contact to a minimum with family members and friends who had a negative influence on them and their relationships.
The answers to these 3 questions will match your level of determination to change your situation and create a new beginning for yourself.
It’s not a fast process, you have to come back to the questions and keep digging until you feel the shifts happening.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PART of this practice is to be compassionate and forgiving with yourself. Blaming or giving yourself a hard time for whatever happened before won't help you move forward.
Remember that most of your beliefs were influenced by what you experienced growing up and that is not your fault. Be kind and show love to the little girl in you so that she can feel safe, loved and encouraged to turn it all around.
Full disclosure: there is NO QUICK, EASY FIX for love/relationship issues, so buckle up girl!
Sending lots of love and healing vibes your way.
I created the "5 Habits Of Relationship-Savvy Alpha Women" workbook to give you a head start on your journey to a happy love life. You can download it here.
If you’re done with the superficial advice and want to give real problem solving a go, I'm offering a few FREE consultations. Book yours here.
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